tomorrow

Tomorrow, I will read that book I’ve been meaning to read about the girl who broke up with the love of her life.

Tomorrow, I will sit down and open my textbook, so that tomorrow after tomorrow, I can look at my report card and smile down at a 100%.

Tomorrow, I will go to that one person in the other class to whom I haven’t talked to in ages, apart from corridor pleasantries, even though we were inseparable a year ago.

Tomorrow, I will volunteer for the debate competition, and I will speak without doubting myself.

Tomorrow, I will open all those halfway-ditched projects on coding, writing, sketching, singing, and so much more, and I won’t just wallow in my self-hatred.

Tomorrow, I will open Google, and my first search won’t be ‘sad emo quotes’.

Tomorrow, I will turn on my laptop, and watch that anime movie I’ve been really wanting to watch, without feeling guilty.

Tomorrow, I will listen to all those songs that make me happy.

Tomorrow, I will listen to the songs I once played while lying in the dark on top of a wet pillow, and I will smile.

Tomorrow, I will open the newspaper, and I will not have to force myself to look away from the article about another high school suicide.

Tomorrow, I will text my friends, and when I say, “I’m great, wbu?” I will mean it.

Tomorrow, I will climb off the school bus, and I won’t put my head down so nobody sees the dark circles that reveal my late-night melancholy.

Tomorrow, I will slip that letter I never got around to sending into the recipient’s life.

Tomorrow, I will run back to class from the cafeteria, not because I can’t stand having people see me eat lunch alone, but because I love the feel of the wind on my face.

Tomorrow, I will open Instagram, but I will not lie in self-pity. Instead, I will appreciate that social media is a small, inaccurate window into one’s life.

Tomorrow, I will wake up, and I will go wash my face, instead of staring at my wrists.

Tomorrow, I will smile when I pass my childhood favourite teacher, instead of hanging my head in shame and hoping she doesn’t notice what the boy who loved to be curious has become.

Tomorrow, I will be very sincere when I tell my mother, ‘I feel great this afternoon!’

Tomorrow, I will fulfill all the promises I made to my father, from going out for a jog with him to giving my 110% into everything I do.

Tomorrow, I will go to bed, but I won’t spend 3 hours thinking of how pathetic I have become.

 

I will love myself, tomorrow.

procrastination

haha how ironic

procrastination
prə(ʊ)ˌkrastɪˈneɪʃ(ə)n/
noun
noun: procrastination; plural noun: procrastinations
  1. the action of delaying or postponing something.
    “your first tip is to avoid procrastination”
    synonyms: dithering, delaying tactics, dilatoriness, stalling, temporizing, hesitation, vacillation;

Procrastination will ruin my life I swear

Yeah…. I have 10 projects to do, and I’ve only barely finished with one, yay me.

I mean, what am I expected to do, it’s freaking Summer Vacation, great, I can’t relax because I have this over my head.

Not like I won’t relax anyway 😉

Procrastination is such a common trait, isn’t it? I bet half of you reading this right now is probably delaying doing your homework, emailing your boss, or something along those lines, posting on your blog.

I guess it makes perfect sense. To our primitive brains (which are just us, lol, we just like calling it our brain when we don’t want to admit we’re the problem), it’s like, ‘would you rather watch your favourite tv show or go do some labour?’

Of course, some of our brains are better at realising, ‘wait… but if we finish this little bit of labour, we don’t have to face a lot of consequences like not getting a pay raise! Wow, that would suck. Anyway, if I get a pay raise, I can buy more blu-rays.’

But one thing often leaves the serial procrastinator’s lips.

I work well under pressure!

Hahaha. That’s bullshit.

Sorry. Had to say it.

I mean, it’s totally understandable. We love deceiving ourselves, especially if it means we get to relax (a superficial relax since we’re actually probably quite stressed), and it has often supposedly worked in the past.

But you didn’t actually perform better than you would’ve if you hadn’t procrastinated! You only performed better than you thought you did since you just barely managed to get it done it time!

Let’s say you’re trying to ace an exam. First scenario: you studied regularly. Now you get an A. Alright. You were expecting it. You are happy, but not that “OH WOW I ACTUALLY DID IT!!!1!!11” type of happy.
Second scenario: You just managed to pull off an all nighter. You didn’t really study that much in reality. You’re exhausted. You’re expecting no more than a D. But you got a C+. Now, you did much better than you expected. “Wow! I can’t believe it!” you think. “Hmm, I wasn’t expecting to do so well. Maybe I work well under pressure!”

See what I mean? It made you happy, maybe even more happy than when you studied regularly. It’s easy to see why once you start, it’s hard to stop procrastinating.

Wot. I just wrote a blog post of nearly 500 words after procrastinating for months while procrastinating on writing a 500 word essay.

tumblr_nres7uads41uwvnvuo1_500

What the hell. Okay I’ll stop.

-hikikomori