Think.

An old poem I wrote more than a year ago.

 

Think.

 

You say he’s stupid
Fat, ugly, transgender
He’s got an eating disorder.
Homosexual, emo, full of crap
God, you’re such a drag.
And you think you’re being fair?
You label him, stupid, nerd, goth
Make fun of his scars, resting face and whatnot
And then, when he cries, “man up, you’re such a girl.”
You say men can’t cry, men can’t have insecurities?
You say he’s crying for no reason, after you beat him up in the school corridor.
You say he should go kill himself.
Well, you got what you wanted.
He’s gone.
Forever.
He left a note.
It said, “I did what you asked. Will you leave me alone now?”
His family is crying,
His best and only friend is depressed,
Everyone is blaming themselves.
“Good, were better off without him,” you say.
But at the back of your mind, a voice says, “You killed someone.”
“He’s dead because of you.”
“You’ll never get to apologise.”
And it’s right.
Because he’s never coming back.
Why should he? So you say he wasn’t manly enough to withstand it?
Next time you make fun of someone, think.
If you don’t, he could be gone before you blink.

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procrastination

haha how ironic

procrastination
prə(ʊ)ˌkrastɪˈneɪʃ(ə)n/
noun
noun: procrastination; plural noun: procrastinations
  1. the action of delaying or postponing something.
    “your first tip is to avoid procrastination”
    synonyms: dithering, delaying tactics, dilatoriness, stalling, temporizing, hesitation, vacillation;

Procrastination will ruin my life I swear

Yeah…. I have 10 projects to do, and I’ve only barely finished with one, yay me.

I mean, what am I expected to do, it’s freaking Summer Vacation, great, I can’t relax because I have this over my head.

Not like I won’t relax anyway 😉

Procrastination is such a common trait, isn’t it? I bet half of you reading this right now is probably delaying doing your homework, emailing your boss, or something along those lines, posting on your blog.

I guess it makes perfect sense. To our primitive brains (which are just us, lol, we just like calling it our brain when we don’t want to admit we’re the problem), it’s like, ‘would you rather watch your favourite tv show or go do some labour?’

Of course, some of our brains are better at realising, ‘wait… but if we finish this little bit of labour, we don’t have to face a lot of consequences like not getting a pay raise! Wow, that would suck. Anyway, if I get a pay raise, I can buy more blu-rays.’

But one thing often leaves the serial procrastinator’s lips.

I work well under pressure!

Hahaha. That’s bullshit.

Sorry. Had to say it.

I mean, it’s totally understandable. We love deceiving ourselves, especially if it means we get to relax (a superficial relax since we’re actually probably quite stressed), and it has often supposedly worked in the past.

But you didn’t actually perform better than you would’ve if you hadn’t procrastinated! You only performed better than you thought you did since you just barely managed to get it done it time!

Let’s say you’re trying to ace an exam. First scenario: you studied regularly. Now you get an A. Alright. You were expecting it. You are happy, but not that “OH WOW I ACTUALLY DID IT!!!1!!11” type of happy.
Second scenario: You just managed to pull off an all nighter. You didn’t really study that much in reality. You’re exhausted. You’re expecting no more than a D. But you got a C+. Now, you did much better than you expected. “Wow! I can’t believe it!” you think. “Hmm, I wasn’t expecting to do so well. Maybe I work well under pressure!”

See what I mean? It made you happy, maybe even more happy than when you studied regularly. It’s easy to see why once you start, it’s hard to stop procrastinating.

Wot. I just wrote a blog post of nearly 500 words after procrastinating for months while procrastinating on writing a 500 word essay.

tumblr_nres7uads41uwvnvuo1_500

What the hell. Okay I’ll stop.

-hikikomori

internet relationships

So I have a friend.

She’s the type you can do anything with and say anything to.

We’re really close, and she’s one of the few people I love talking to.

We’re really close friends, and I’m really lucky I met someone like her. I don’t have many friends, but the few I have are enough.

The only problem: she lives across the country.

Okay, not across. Just up north. But still.

I haven’t met her in real life, we met on a forum for club penguin discussion. We know each others’ real lives, like we’ve seen each other and she’s heard my voice although neither of us like to talk much and never felt the need to talk over the phone or whatever, but yeah.

So I’m talking about Internet friends in this post.
What makes them different from normal friends? A wonderful benefit of the Internet is you can talk to people who share your views and opinions, but at the same time, you’re exposed to all kinds of opinions, mentalities and people in general. Also, you are not scared of being judged on the Internet.

Yes, we do get anxious when posting a selfie, or if we have no Twitter followers, but you can easily move on; it’s even easier if you don’t leave your full name and a passport photo of yourself wherever you go.

I don’t mind people on like tumblr knowing my real life identity. I don’t want people who I know in person to find such anonymous accounts, though.

You may notice that I sign my posts with “-hikikomori”. 

hikikomori

hɪˌkɪkə(ʊ)ˈmɔːri/

noun

noun: hikikomori; plural noun: hikikomori

(in Japan) the abnormal avoidance of social contact, typically by adolescent males.

a person who avoids social contact.

But why I chose this specific pen name in particular is not important. What’s important is that I didn’t sign with my actual name, even though a simple look through my WordPress profile would give you many clues about my identity.

You see, we rarely actually do bother going so deep; just knowing someone isn’t signing with their real name is normally enough for people.

I think why I don’t want people in my life outside the Internet knowing what I post is because I don’t want to be constantly afraid of being judged. On the Internet, if you see someone posting weird stuff or opinions against your beliefs, you can always ignore them. In real life, these people get shunned by society, forced to stick to Twitter and Tumblr. 

On the Internet, you can speak your mind. And I think that’s why you make such special friends on the internet; these people know the real you and you find people who can truly appreciate your true self.

It’s not that these type of people are not found in real life. However, you don’t project your true self, your passions, your ideals in their purest form, in public like that. So how do these people find you?

I think that’s why a lot of us say that we met our best friends over the Internet.

Of course, it’s probably mostly just us potatoes who live on pizza and Firefox/Chrome/Safari.

-hikikomori

i want to post this, but…

I want to go out and scream, “FUCK IT,” but…

I want to study, but…

I want to ask him out, but…

I want to raise my hand in class, but…

I want to go and make friends, but…

I want to sleep, but…

I want to watch one more episode, but…

I want to sing, but…

I want to be fluent in Japanese, but…

I want to draw, but…

I want another season, but…

I want to go and lose weight, but…

I want to eat, but…

I want to enjoy life, but…

I want life, but…

I wasn’t scared that I’d be rejected, I was scared that if I said how I felt, all of our relationships would change.

-Chisaki Hiradaira, Nagi no Asukara

I think, “but… I’m comfortable right now! Only mildly, but it could be worse! I’m better off this way.”

That, my friends, is when you know you’ll get nowhere in life.

I want to change, but…

Change scares me.

Opportunity.

Risk.

They’re one and the same.

“Maybe I should audition… nah, I suck.” I think when someone asks if I want to audition for a singing competition.

For a manga drawing competition.

For the science quiz.

The debate.

Model United Nations.

But; I realised this isn’t how it works.

“I don’t have experience!” WELL, MAYBE YOU WOULD IF YOU DIDN’T MAKE EXCUSES ALL THE TIME.

In the end, I forced myself to go and participate. I didn’t get past auditions, but at least I tried.

That’s the mentality you need.

I’ve still got a long way to go before I’m happy.

Maybe I should go and join a table with people at lunch.

Go and ask her out! Chances are, she will say yes. If not, nobody cares! Not her, not the class clown, and definitely not you.

Ever wondered why your life is so plain compared to a Slice of Life?

Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you view your life through such a rigid pessimistic filter?

You turn down offers.

Then you cry at night at your boring, monotonous life.

The thing is, life is what you make it.

Above all, never be afraid. Embrace change.

Chitanda is nothing special. Neither is Hinata. They just jump at every occasion, and make the best of their lives.



-hikikomori

how is the war on terrorism helping at all?

The unofficial or unauthorized use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims.

The definition of terrorism.

Terrorist groups like ISIL commit various human rights violations in their territory.

After all, they post videos of hanging poor civilians on Twitter, and have themselves said that they keep children as slaves. Not to mention the sexual harassment.

But are we not the same?

Bombing Iraq and Syria. American troops being sent to Afghanistan where “accidents” take place all the time. Rape of innocent civilians all over the world by government officials. Refugees being “rescued” before finding themselves stranded on a boat.

Oh, but it’s all for a good cause, is it not?

Because using entire countries as battlefields is totally okay, right? 

Children being orphaned, happy couples being torn apart, entire towns turning into wasteland, because “what if, just what if, this guy who knew this guy who was acquainted with this guy who helped this guy kill __ people……”

Or “hey, this mass shooter was inspired by ISIL, ISIL is 50 km from this city but it’s the closest in our range, so we might as well, just in case.”

The only valid difference one can really come up with between us and the terrorists themselves is that we are carrying out attacks that are authorised by the government and the world in general.

But otherwise, are we not the same?

If you prick me, do I not bleed?

-Shylock, The Merchant of Venice

These words were said in reference to the racism against Jews prevelant in Elizabethan society.

But does it not apply in this context?

What makes these civilians in and around ISIS territory and around the world?

Doesn’t the fact that we are saying the killing of these people, in particular, is for the greater good, mean we think we’re more important than them? Isn’t that kind of the meaning of racism?

After all, terrorist attacks on the rest of the World is also, in terrorists’ eyes, “for the greater good.” So, are we not doing the same thing?




-hikikomori

why does this blog exist?

Honestly, I have no idea.

A random spike in creativity? Perhaps.

Why does the internet even exist, for that matter? Exchange of ideas, facts and theories, and, of course, cat videos.

This website was created for me to express those random thoughts that pop up in my mind while staring out of the window at school as the teacher goes on about acceleration, five kingdom classification, Shakespeare, Indian topography and so on.

I hope this works out, but I already have no idea how to conclude this.

-hikikomori